One Hour Late...

This morning, I was an hour late to work...

Why? Because my little girl needed some Umma-time.

I woke up around 7:30 this morning, so I jumped outta bed and got ready, but as I was getting ready, Tay sat up in bed and watched me quietly until I noticed her sitting up in bed, and so I acted really surprised when I saw her. She thought that was just silly, so she giggled and collapsed back on her pillow. I told her good morning and asked her how she slept as I finished up getting ready, and she sat back up and said, "Good. No Tita. Stay Umma me," and then collapsed back into a little heap on her pillow.

Lump.

At that moment, I leapt into bed and curled up next to her and she turned to kiss me on the nose and cuddle with me. We just lay there cuddled up for a few minutes chatting and giggling until eventually we made our way to her room to change out of her pjs. From there she told me she had to go potty, so we did that successfully and got her dressed for the day. Again, she stopped as we put her socks on and looked right in my eyes and said, "No Tita now. Stay Umma me."

Lump.

I guess she can sense my hurried-ness in the mornings that I'm running late, so she is trying to slow me down and spend some quality time with her. I needed that check this morning because we had had a really great day together yesterday, even though we had to say good bye to Appa for a few weeks while he went away for exercise. We drove down to Pyeongtaek to visit my brother and our friends the Lees, and we had a great visit and even had fun through the three hours of traffic. Even the drive back was sweet and funny and she fell asleep in the car. I guess she wanted a little more of that quality time before we started another harried week of work and scheduled activities...

I just hugged her tight and told her I had to go get her raincoat since it was raining outside today. As I walked out, she called to me and said, "Umma, come here. Play me." I grabbed her coat and came back into her room where she had taken out one of her puzzles. She asked me to sit down "right here" on her bed and watch her as she put the puzzle pieces back in their places. I just sat and watched her and praised her for her successes...smiling and not worrying about the time. Just enjoying my sweet little girl...

After playing a while, we were both getting a grumbling stomach, so I wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a couple bagels. I asked Tay if she wanted one, and she said, "Neh." I knew this was going to be the opportunity to get out the door (why can't I just stay in the moment and enjoy spending time with my little girl???) so I asked her to put on her coat and shoes and we'd have our bagels in the car. She said, "Neh" and did as I asked. I got our stuff, put on my own coat and shoes and I handed her a bagel. She politely said, "ant-tu" (thank you), and held my hand as we made our way down the elevator to the car. We got all buckled in and off we went to Tita's.

As we drove into Hannam backgate, she was quietly eating her bagel. As we made our turn at the stop sign to Tita's apartment complex, Tay said, "Umma, no Tita now. Me stay Umma. Umma me."

Lump...my eyes became blurry... ... ...

At that point, I should have just turned around and driven home, called in sick, and stayed home to play with my baby girl...

Instead, I told her I would come get her really soon and we could play after she played with Tita for a while. She just sat quietly the rest of the way and ate her bagel. The lump in my throat never went away...

When we got to the door, I got out of the car to carry her up to Beth's and when I opened the door to her side to get her out, the wind was blowing so badly, her blanket came flying out of the car! She grabbed a hold of me as I held her and chased the blanket down, and we hurried inside so as not to get blown away by the wind and rain/snow mix! When we got inside, I set her down and we walked up the ramp to the elevator, and she was chanting, "Tita, Tita, Tita," so I felt a little better.

I know she has a great time at Beth's while she's there, so I am not worried at all that she'll miss me during the day, but on mornings like this one where she just wants to spend a little more time with me, it makes me question my decision to work instead of being the best stay-at-home mom I could be...

Have I made the right choice?