Past Few Weeks...

Ah, the past few weeks have been a bit busy...rough, persay.  Not necessarily bad, but definitely not the greatest.  Work has been crazy and because of that, I have not been able to spend the time I wanted to with our little Tay...and it is showing.  I've never felt so distant from my little one as I do right now...which comes with the timing and the fact that I've been working crazy hours...Jeff says it's only a phase, but it really just means she's growing up and becoming more independent.  (I really am gonna have empty-nest syndrome when she goes off to college, aren't I???)  It almost felt like I was going through some form of post-partum baby blues...but so late in the game?  Really?  Odd.  Anyhow, although emotionally I've been a bit of a wreck these past few weeks, there has been some wonderful-ness that came of it all.

 

Well, here's really the breakdown of it:

 

1.  Since work's been so crazy, I've been getting home late, but it also means that Tay's been spending bunches of time with Daddy...which has been wonderful.

 

2.  Since work's been so crazy, the event that was making me crazy went off mostly without a hitch and the evening itself turned out quite nicely...minus the wrecked feet and exhustion.

 

3.  Tay has decided to start weaning herself.  For those of you readers who don't believe breastfeeding past one year is acceptable, I apologize if I am offending you, however, I am still breastfeeding and quite happy about it.  Tay nurses when she goes to bed (yes, I check her teeth constantly for decay), but the last week, she has just wanted to cuddle with me and it has been amusing and wonderful at the same time.  But...because I have not had the time lately to spend with her, this sudden decision on her part to stop this closeness that we had wreaked havoc on my emotions...after she went to sleep, of course.  After crying it out and Jeff consoling me, I felt a bit better and accepted the fact that I should be grateful that she is weaning on her own instead of me forcing it with much crying by Tay.  I don't think she's completely weaned, as she still wants to nurse occasionally in the middle of the night the past couple nights, but the process has begun and I am now emotionally ready to  handle it...

 

4.  Since work's been so crazy, Tay has become totally a daddy's girl.  :)  I was actually a bit hurt by this, because I was her #1 for such a long time, but it's so wonderful to see her hugging and kissing daddy and constantly looking for him when he's not around.  She gets the biggest smile on her face when she sees him and says, "Appaaaaaaaa" in the most excited whisper her tiny little voice can exclaim...it's beautiful.  It does make putting her down at night a little more difficult, though, as she'll be cuddling and thinking about going to sleep, and then suddenly, she'll sit right up in bed and yell, "Appa!" 

 

5.  Tay's to the point now that she'll let us know if she needs to go pee pee or poo poo, but she generally tells us as she's about to go, so it's been hit or miss whether or not we make it to the potty.  :)  Sometimes she thinks she has to go, and we'll sit her on the potty, and then she doesn't go right away, so she think she doesn't have to go...and then I set her off the potty and she walks over to get a new diaper, and she pees...oops.  So, we're still working on it, but she's not adverse to the whole potty training concept, so I'm not going to really start training or pushing the potty until she's at least 18 months. 

 

All in all, my family is just whirling on thankfully, and even though I am busy or back to a regular schedule, it will continue to whirl on beautifully.  I am finally over the whole emotional rollercoaster, I think, and much less sleep-deprived, so I'm able to start seeing things in perspective.  I'm excited (and a little sad) that my little girl is growing up so fast...I am thankful for my family, and the strides we are taking together. 

 

 

Fourth of July Weekend

This weekend, we celebrated the 4th of July!  On Friday, we took a trip down to the Humphreys Water Park and spent the whole day splashing and playing in the water.  Tay especially enjoyed the slides she could go down by herself...the slides were padded and not too long, so she could sit herself down at the top and slide down onto another padded area where we would catch her (so she wouldn't slide onto the cement).  She kept doing it over and over, and luckily, there were very few kids around when we were there.  It was like we had the resort to ourselves pretty much until later in the afternoon when it started to get more crowded.  The weather was beautiful and we had a wonderful time!  We also swung by and visited our friends who had just had their second baby...so amazing to see such a small baby and think of how my own little Tay was so small.  Tay loved seeing the baby...she kept saying "beh-bay, beh-bay" in a whisper over and over while she peered at the little one's face.  She didn't try to touch or poke the baby, but instead she held her hands out like she wanted to hug the sleeping baby. 

 

Saturday, the weather started off not so great with some rain and dark clouds, but as the day progressed, the rain let up.  I actually got called into work for a bit, so Jeff and Tay went over and roamed the festival grounds while I did what I needed to do, and then I headed over to see the festivities with them.  After a short time or perusing the booths, we decided to wander over and see the "dog park," but we weren't sure exactly where it was...but then we ran across some batting cages!  Jeff and I each ended up batting a rotation (40 balls!) and we wandered back to the festival grounds.  Note:  Batting in flip-flops, not a great idea.  After getting some soft-serve, we decided it was time to head back home, have some dinner, and rest up before the fireworks.  Well, after dinner, Tay just seemed so tired that we decided to go ahead and give her a bath and put her down for the night.  She went right to sleep, so Jeff and I shared some ice cream and watched the fireworks through our window from the comfort of our living room.

 

Sunday, we went to church then breakfast...and E-mart (a Korean version of Wal-Mart).  After all the running around, Tay was quite tired and went down for a nap.  While she napped, Jeff and I cleaned house and discussed what we should do that afternoon...and Jeff found a children's museum on-line that seemed fairly close!  So, after Tay woke up from her nap, we went out in search of the Samsung Children's Museum.  It was actually quite easy to find, luckily, so we spent a couple hours playing there with Tay - she particularly enjoyed the water-room where she could splash and see the balls go down a "water slide" of sorts. 

 

Monday morning, Tay felt a little warmer than usual, so I took her temperature and it was 99.3F.  She was also coughing a little, but she still seemed in good spirits, so we decided to go ahead with the plan for the day, which was Lotte World with the Cortezes.  We may have been pushing our luck a little, but she held up like a trooper and had a great time riding the Carousel and playing in the ball-land.  She did get a bit cranky around lunch time, so after she ate a little, we put her down for a nap, visited the Toys R Us store there, and headed home. 

 

Poor thing, as the evening progressed, she must have started feeling a little worse because she was very clingy and kept asking for ma-ma, so I nursed her a bit after dinner and she fell asleep for a short while.  She really needed a bath, though, because she was sticky with yo-baby yogurt and dinner...so Jeff prepped her bath and when I went to put her in, she started crying so hard because she didn't want to be detached from me...so I ended up getting in the tub with her and holding her while we bathed her.  This is highly unusual because she usually loves bathtime, but I guess it's because she wasn't feeling well.  Poor baby.  Anyhow, after the quick bath, we wrapped her up in her towel and when I laid her down on the bed to put her diaper on, she calmly lay there with her eyes closed and bundled in her towel.  I thought she was asleep, until I put her diaper on her...when she slowly opened her eyes to look at me with that little mischievous sparkle in her eyes and a smirk on her lips and took both hands and unstuck both sides of her diaper tabs!  That little stinker.  :)  I yelped and grinned at her, and she let out a little giggle as I put on the rest of her pjs...and put her down for the night. 

 

What a beautiful little girl with a funny funny sense of humor.  :)  Even when she wasn't feeling well, she still wanted to play...I love her so much.  Well, she slept OK through the night with no fever, and this morning after I dropped her off with Beth, she texted me that Tay ate well, so I'm hopeful that the bug she got will pass quickly. 

 

Until next time...

Motherly Thoughts...

Part I.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about being a working Mom and I'm quite torn about whether or not I like it.  I see my little girl growing up so fast, and being with her nanny while I work has been wonderful because my nanny is really great and teaching her things I never would have thought to teach her, I don't think...but what if I were to stay at home with her?  I would probably speak more Korean to her than I do now.  I worry that she might not understand me because she spends over 50% of her "awake" part of the day with the nany...so I resort to the easy way of talking to her in English - which is easier for me, too, anyway - but then I feel bad that I'm not teaching her Korean, so I speak to her in Korean, but now I think I'm just confusing her.  Also, lately, I feel like I'm losing that closeness I had with her...except when I'm putting her down for the night...and maybe on weekends.  It's because she's becoming so much more independent and less dependent on me, (and this is really a good thing), but sometimes I wish she were still that helpless, dependent little girl who would always want me to be with her and sit with her and play with her...and then I realize, if she were actually like that all the time, I wouldn't be raising her to be self-sufficient...and in this world, she must be self-sufficient. 

 

My little Tay is growing up so fast that I can't keep up emotionally.  I love her so much and I want to spend more time with her, but I already feel like I'm cutting out as early as I can from work and I think I'm playing with her enough after work...but why can't I just get enough of her?  I miss her during the day, and I miss her at night.  It saddens me that I can't play with her on the playground every day; I can't make her delicious healthy food like I want to; I can't sing to her and have dance parties with her...just because I don't have the energy after I get home from work.  Why?  I should have that energy.  I want to take her on walks in the sun and in the rain...so she knows what falling rain feels like.  I want to let her help me do dishes and help me fold laundry.  This weekend, she helped me strip all the pillows to wash the pillow cases, and we just had so much fun just pulling them off like in a tug-o-war.  Then, we rolled around the mattress with no sheets on, tickling each other and giggling.  After they were washed, she "helped" me put them back on by crawling on them as I tucked them in...she just loves helping me with whatever she can.  She knows every time after she gets a diaper change, there is a dirty diaper that needs to get thrown away.  (By they way, the "potty familiarization" period is going very well...she's already in the routine of going #1 in the big toilet right before bed, and when she needs to go #2 - although she doesn't tell me, persay - when I think she's about to go, I ask her if she needs to go "poo-poo" and she'll nod her head, take my hand, and we'll walk to the bathroom together).  My goal is not to get her out of diapers anytime soon...my goal is to have her be able to let me know she needs to go and we make it to the bathroom.  No time limit...just looking for a gradual end, hopefully. 

 

Part II.

It's already July and in just a little over a week, Tay will already be 16 months old.   It seems like it was just yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital.  It was just yesterday that she was this tiny little thing that I felt was so fragile that I thought I might break her.  Now she's going to tumbling class where she's learning how to do forward rolls and walk across a balance beam.  Unbelievable.  Part of me just wants it all to slow down, but another part of me is really excited to see her growing up and I can't wait for when she is able to talk to me and express her feelings and I we can go on hikes and maybe even go star gazing.  She'll learn how to ride a bike and start going to school.  She'll be going on her first date, and I'll be in tears.  I can't believe how quickly time just flies...

 

I should be home to enjoy every moment with her...but instead I'm out working.  Is this really what I should be doing?  ::sigh::  I miss my little girl when I can't be with her...